Having an eating disorder isn’t easy.
Having an eating disorder while being overweight is torturous.
I constantly envy the strong, skinny individuals with anorexia and bulimia. I understand that is horrible, since an eating disorder of any kind isn’t good but I hate that I am so ugly and fat and I cannot handle the hold my ED has over me and my life.
I’ve tried to starve and purge but I fail. Instead my binge eating disorder (BED) is what I feel most easy and comfortable with, even though it ruins me.
Having a relationship while having an ED is painful. My spouse constantly tries to help and stop me, which is only greeted with my angry, compulsive-eating zombie-like snatching of the food back. I wish I could feel comfortable in my own skin and feel confident, but I have the worst self=esteem. It haunts me every day, that is why I’m going to start blogging about my inner turmoil.
Thanks for reading.